we are very hopeful that your specimen could represent yet another member into the apple family.

thank you again for your submission, and for your support for the association.

susan mckline

assistant manager

inquires and submissions

u.s. apple association

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susan,

it is obvious to me that you replied with an automated form letter, leading me to fear that perhaps my apple was not taken seriously. however, i strongly urge you to review the apple i sent, as i am absolutely positive that it is the most unique apple of all the thousands in existence.

also i have many more if you want me to send a few extras for testing or whatever.

andy franklin

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dear andy,

my name is michael yee, manager of inquires and submissions at uaa. my assistant manager susan mckline is on extended leave for the next eight weeks, and i will now be processing your submission. as you can imagine, i have quite a workload to tackle over the next two months. i ask that you please be patient as i will review your submission as soon as i am able.

thank you for your patience, and for your support for the association.

michael yee

manager

inquires and submissions

u.s. apple association

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michael,

thank you for your letter. i will be waiting patiently for your response.

just so you know, you should really think about looking at my apple before doing much other stuff because it's going to definitely blow your mind. if you're reading this before you've seen it, it's a bright yellow apple that's almost more of a tube shape than a sphere. it's really amazing. you won't believe it.

you should definitely go look at it.

andy

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dear andy,

i have reviewed your submission. wow!! i have been working at the uaa for six years and have never seen such an incredibly unique apple in all my life! it is absolutely stunning. i ask you to please send another specimen to our lab at the following address:

research department

c/o u.s. apple association

8233 old courthouse road
vienna, virginia 22182

please send the specimen in a protected package via priority mail.

the laboratory staff will contact you with their findings.

congratulations for your revolutionary submission, and thank you for your supporting the association.

michael yee

manager

inquires and submissions

u.s. apple association

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dear ANDY FRANKLIN,

we thank you for your apple submission. we regret to inform you that your specimen is not a new variety of apple.

we encourage you to keep on looking for new members of the apple family. you just may discover the next red delicious!

thank you for your submission and support for the association.

molly stravinsky

administrative assistant

research department

u.s. apple association

ps. the lab has asked me to request that you please do not send us any more bananas.